Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
