Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
