last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
