Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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