honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
