Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
