i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
