Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
