so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
