Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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