he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
