I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
