It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize