Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
