Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You're like the curious george of whores
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
