I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Can Purell be used as lube?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
