mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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