she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
