She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Still dying that you shit outside
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
