Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
