I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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