Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
