just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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