those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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