I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
