Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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