Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
