Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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