No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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