No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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