I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's like heaven, but drunker
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
