I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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