I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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