i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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