Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
being pregnant is like rehab
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
