my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
