As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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