thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
