I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it's like iHOP with fire
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
