She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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