Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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