My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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