That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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