No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
