seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
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Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future