One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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