My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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