Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
babies were throwing up all over the place
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
