I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
"it" just moved
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
