The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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