Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
