NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
