I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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