I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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