Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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