I wish I only lived at night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
