well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am naked and annoyed.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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