i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
