After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she looked like the before picture.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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